A Very Brooklyn Passover Haggadah
for an Atlantic Yardseder

Through the ages, the Jewish ceremony of Passover has been adapted to all sorts of social and economic situations. This year, the Children of Brooklyn celebrate their hope for a miraculous deliverance from real estate developer bondage with the songs and prayers below.

If you would like to add something to the Atlantic Yardseder -- perhaps you've come up with a variation on the Ten Plagues, a re-invention of the Four Sons, or a blessing over the Blueprints of Affliction, send your contribution to: passover(at)leathertomato.com.

Here is a nice PDF to download, print and hand out at your Atlantic Yardseder.

The Four Questions
(About Bruce Ratner's Atlantic Yards Project)
To be sung by the youngest real estate developer at the seder

Why is the Atlantic Yards project different from all other real estate development projects?

Question 1:

Why is it that Brownstone Brooklyn consists of unleavened low-rise buildings, but at Atlantic Yards Bruce Ratner wants to build seventeen high-rise buildings?

Question 2:

Why is it that in all other projects the community would be happy for a real estate developer to bring them "jobs, housing and hoops," but in this project the community is so extraordinarily bitter?

Question 3:

Why is it that in all other projects, the developer dips only into his own budget, but in the Atlantic Yards project the developer dips twice - $100 million from the state's budget and $100 million from the city's budget?

Question 4:

Why is it that in all other projects, the buildings stand straight, but in Frank Gehry's designs for the Atlantic Yards project, the buildings recline to one side?

Dayeinu!
(It would have been enough!)

Hebrew:

Transliteration: Ilu hotsi, hotsianu, hotsianu mimitsrayim, hotsianu mimitsrayim, Dayeinu! Da, dayeinu! (3X) Dayeinu! Dayeinu! Ilu hotsi, hotsianu, hotsianu mimitsrayim, hotsianu mimitsrayim, Dayeinu! Da, dayeinu! (3X) Dayeinu! Dayeinu! Ilu natan, natan lanu, natan lanu et hatorah, natan lanu et hatorah, Dayeinu! Ilu natan, natan lanu, natan lanu et hashabbat, natan lanu et hashabbat,! Dayeinu!

English translation:

Had Bruce Ratner only given us the Atlantic Center Mall –
Dayeinu! It would have been enough!

Had Bruce Ratner only given us an eight theater cineplex looming over Brooklyn Heights like a gigantic argyle sweater –
Dayeinu! It would have been enough!

Had Bruce Ratner only brought Chuck E. Cheese's, Target and Red Lobster to Brooklyn –
Dayeinu! It would have been enough!

Had Bruce Ratner only built Metrotech Center –
Dayeinu! It would have been more than enough!

Had Bruce Ratner wanted to use eminent domain to seize only twenty private properties –
Dayeinu! That would have been so much more than we ever expected. Really, it’s enough already.

Had Bruce Ratner only planned to build ten skyscrapers in Prospect Heights –
Dayeinu! That would have been so exceedingly generous we’d have said, “No, Bruce, we can not accept it. Enough!”

Had Bruce Ratner only wanted to build a 19,000-seat arena atop Brooklyn’s most congested and dysfunctional intersection –
Dayeinu! That would have been so far beyond any amount of generosity we ever could have imagined, we would have thanked Bruce profusely but insisted that it was way more than enough already for Chrissake, errr…that is, for Moses-sake.

Read in unison:
How plentiful are the reasons for our gratitude to Bruce Ratner for the many favors bestowed upon Brooklyn! Bruce brought us out of Manhattan, divided the East River for us, permitted us to cross in our motor vehicles (For free! No congestion charges.), brought pro sports back after more than 40 years in the wilderness, fed us with Chuck E. Cheese, Red Lobster and McDonald’s, led us to the Land of Frank Gehry, built 17 skyscrapers and a 19,000-seat arena for us, and made Brooklynites a holy people under the Kingdom of Marty Markowitz, in truth and righteousness.

One Little Condo
(To the tune of "One Little Goat")

One little condo, One little condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Jim Stuckey to take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Marty Markowitz who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Mayor Bloomberg who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Bertha Lewis who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came the BUILD and union bullies who shouted with Bertha
Who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came the MTA which gave in to the bullies
Who shouted with Bertha
Who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Governor Pataki who directed the MTA
To give in to the bullies
Who shouted with Bertha
Who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Bruce Ratner who owns Governor Pataki
Who directed the MTA
To give in to the bullies
Who shouted with Bertha
Who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo

Then came Tish James, Holy One, Blessed be She,
And said, “Fuggedaboutit, Bruce Ratner!!!”
Who owns Governor Pataki
Who directed the MTA
To give in to the bullies
Who shouted with Bertha
Who kissed Mayor Bloomberg
Who empowered Marty
Who enabled Jim Stuckey
To take the condo
I renovated for 200 zuzim
One little condo, One little condo